Birth Without Fear

This past Saturday I started having some menstrual-type cramping, not off and on but constant, which can be a sign of pre-term labour.  I thought it could be dehydration causing painful Braxton-Hicks, but after 1.5L of water and lying down for an hour, nothing improved.  Thankfully it went away overnight but then it came back last night again for an hour.  I realized just how scared I was about this birth and I hated that feeling.  Then, an article popped up in my newsfeed on Facebook from someone I didn't even know.  This article addressed most of my fears and really helped me put things in perspective.  It was definitely a tender mercy.

I follow the "Birth Without Fear" facebook page which constantly has uplifting and inspiring stories of various women's birthing situations and struggles.  It's really helped me believe in myself.   After last night I decided that I need to have a constant reminder to not be afraid, and to trust that my body is capable of amazing things.  I really wanted to get this necklace, but it wasn't in our budget right now.

So I decided to check out Michael's to see if I could make my own for a decent price.  $17 later, this is what I was able to make.

It may seem silly to some that I'd need a physical reminder to not have fear, but for someone who doesn't wear jewelry often, having this around my neck reminds me every time I move and feel it against my skin.  I'm feeling more confident, I'm feeling better prepared, and I'm hoping that all goes well and that I can attempt a natural birth this time around, baby permitting.  #birthwithoutfear

Whopper

Well, we had our ultrasound today.  Baby is an estimated 6lb 3oz already.  According to my OB he is bigger than average but not in the "danger zone" for weight just yet.  She doesn't seem concerned and said she will start checking my cervix at 37 weeks and start sweeps at 38 weeks to try and naturally induce but that she wouldn't try chemically inducing until 40 weeks.

Part of me feels I should be reassured that she is willing to let things go that far but the other part of me feels like she's taking a risk with my baby's well-being.  I am honestly at a loss as to what to do.  The only thing I can think of is if I am going to go along with her "plan"  I should do everything I can to ensure that things go as well as possible.  That would include doing exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, start drinking raspberry leaf tea, and be more physically active and watch what I eat so baby doesn't gain a lot more weight (incidentally I've only gained 14.5lbs and I lost weight since my last appointment).  Other than that I don't know what I can do.


Good things from today were that baby is doing excellent.  He is healthy and the cord is functioning beautifully.  We actually got to hear the "pulse" on the ultrasound which was super cool.  He is also head down, in anterior position (facing my spine) and exactly in the middle of my stomach, so that explains why I appear rounder and larger this time around (other than the fact that he's big).

I'm trying to convince myself that because he is positioned well (Avery was always off to one side and never in the middle) and feels like he's dropped already that labour may come on its own before we even get to the sweeps, but it's really hard to say.  I feel confident that I can try for a successful natural labour this time and hope that my water won't break early like it did with Avery (at 3.4-4cm).  Send me all the positive vibes please!!

Shoulder Dystocia

Little did I know, but about 10 minutes before this was taken, the doctor almost sent Avery to the NICU.  

When Avery was born, all I was told afterwards was that her shoulders got stuck and they had to tear me to get her out.  Seemed pretty straightforward and I didn't know that it was actually a bigger deal than they made it out to be.  She had something called "shoulder dystocia".  Even reading the description of it is scary,

"Shoulder dystocia is a birth injury that can have terrible consequences for a child’s life. It occurs in birth when, following delivery of the baby’s head, the baby’s shoulders are unable to pass through the birth canal. The partial compression in the birth canal can cause lasting damage to a child’s nervous system, and is a major cause of Erg’s palsy, cerebral palsy, as well as large number of brain, heart, and lung defects."

Needless to say, when the doctor filling in for my OB at my last appointment 2 weeks ago started asking me questions about Avery's birth and how recovery went for both of us, I got a bit concerned.  Then she said the likelihood of dystocia happening with subsequent births was higher, I got very freaked out.  Then I went home and read about what dystocia actually is and almost had a panic attack.  Not good.

I decided to wait until my next appointment (this morning) to ask for more details before allowing myself to really be scared about this birth.  Turns out, Avery was stuck for less than a minute (anything more than 5 minutes can cause fetal death), and it wasn't very complicated.  She wasn't breathing when she was born (she had the cord around her neck and her heartrate had already been dropping so the cord was likely compressed while I was pushing) and so I didn't get to see her right away.  There was no cry, and her entire body was as white as her hand was in that picture above.  If she had taken about a minute longer to breathe she would have been sent right to the NICU without me having seen her at all.

There are a number of risk factors that can cause dystocia to happen, a lot of which were present for Avery's birth (she was transverse, I had an epidural, needed pitocin to speed up labour, long second stage of labour, she was over 8lbs) but the biggest ones are the size of the mother's pelvis and the size of the baby.  This time around, since we're having a boy, he's likely to be bigger than Avery was so I'm still worried that this will happen again.

We booked an ultrasound for 2 weeks from now to get a sense of how big baby is and whether we will need to induce early in order to try and prevent the dystocia from happening again.  She reassured me that the likelihood of c-section is still fairly low and that because I had a successful vaginal birth it should go easier this time around.  She also said that the fact they are aware of previous dystocia will help them prepare for it this time and that they are very experienced with dealing with it at this hospital so they know what to do.

I'm worried and I hate the fact that I feel that I may have to induce before I want to but if it means the difference between having a healthy baby and one with brain or nerve damage, I'll opt for the former.  If baby is measuring more than 4lbs at 34 weeks at our ultrasound, then we will likely have to induce at 37-38 weeks.

I'm pretty scared, but I know we will make the right decision when the time comes.  Just needing a bit of support.