Four Weeks

My little Avery is 4 weeks old today!  Hard to imagine it's already been that long.  But at the same time it feels like forever.  Breastfeeding was really bad at the beginning but I'm glad we stuck with it.  Basically the people who tell you it's never supposed to hurt are full of crap.  Unless you're used to having someone suctioned to your nipples 8-12 times a day for 5-40 minutes each time, you're going to have pain!  I got blisters, which popped, then bled, scabbed over, and bled again.  Then eventually it stopped hurting for the most part.  But it took about 12 days for me.  It was so bad around day 5 that I dreaded every time Avery was hungry.  I got plugged ducts like crazy in the first few days after my milk came in, and even got a plugged nipple.  Jon had to give me a blessing and I had to take tylenol and let Avery try and nurse on that side to fix it.  It took a few hours but it finally unplugged and felt much better.  But yes, nursing is a struggle in the beginning!  I'm just lucky that Avery had a great latch right off the bat so I didn't have to deal with that too.

But for all the pain and craziness at the beginning, it's pretty great now.  It's still annoying when I manage to leak through nursing pads and 3 layers of clothing without noticing, but I can deal with that.  It's a great time to bond with Avery and I actually really like it.  I love how she flexes her fingers and toes while she's eating and rests her top hand on whichever breast she's feeding on.  It's a very intimate and cuddly thing and I love it.  I also love knowing that my body can provide her with everything she needs, and all I have to do is keep eating and drinking.  So amazing!

Sleeping on my chest

By this point Avery is most likely weighing in around 10lbs.  We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow so we'll find out the official number, but according to our crappy home scale that's about right.  She's super long and keeps growing like crazy.  Some of the 3 month sleepers don't even fit her any more.  Others would fit her, if her feet weren't so dang huge that they don't fit in the sleeper feet!  The 0-3 month onesies are too short in the crotch but she's swimming in the larger sizes.  Yay for tall babies.  I hope she'll grow up to be a supermodel haha.

Sucking her thumb!

She's been a pretty great baby for the most part.  She sleeps well and through lots of noise.  Avery loves tummy time.  She spent a whole half hour on the jungle play mat by herself just cooing and looking around the other day.  She can already hold her head up a LOT and for quite a long time.  It's something to see.  She even scoots forward a bit too.  I have a feeling she'll be crawling and walking before we know it!

I, however, have felt a bit trapped.  Having a tiny human who can't really communicate or interact much with you but who depends on you for everything is super hard.  When they say newborns eat every 1.5-3 hours, they mean from the start of one feeding to the start of another, meaning that if your feedings last 20-30 minutes you may only get an hour between them.  An hour is not a lot of time to do anything, let alone "sleep while baby is sleeping".  I hate that mantra so much.

Basically my life this past month has been sleeping for maybe 2 hours at a time, nursing constantly, eating and drinking constantly because I'm starving, and trying to comfort a gassy baby.  I was getting worn down and feeling guilty about my resentment that was building towards this tiny human, and so Jon suggested I take a few hours just to myself to get out and do whatever I wanted to do.  His Valentine's day gift to me.  I left him with some pumped milk to feed her if she got hungry, and went out to do a few errands.  It wasn't like I was doing anything super fun, but I love running errands and it's so much easier to do them without a baby in tow.  I felt freer than I had in a long while, and yet I missed her so much.  We're working on keeping my life in balance from now on, so that I don't need to feel trapped.  It'll be better once she's a bit bigger, I'm sure.

In summary, there are things that suck, and things that are amazing, but I wouldn't trade being a mom for the world.  It is the best thing.

Avery's Birth Story

Well it's been 10 days since Avery's arrival into our lives.  Let me give the update on how she got here.

On Saturday the 18th of January, I started having really bad lower back pain.  I just assumed it was because I was up and about cleaning, baking, organizing etc. to keep myself busy, so I thought nothing of it.  Sunday I woke up and still felt pretty awful and the back pain persisted.  I stayed home from church just for a rest and by the evening I started having some timeable contractions.  They ranged from half an hour to 2 hours apart, so I knew it was possibly the start of labour, but that I had a long way to go.

I had a doctor's appointment at 11am on Monday and was still having sporadic contractions.  When they checked me at my appointment they said I was 3cm dilated and sent me home.  I decided to go to my mom's place because she has a jacuzzi and we wouldn't have to fight rush hour traffic if we had to go back in to the hospital that evening.  I took a nap when we got there and by 2pm I was having contractions fairly strong, but manageable.  They ranged from 2 minutes apart to 10 minutes apart and were consistently 45 seconds long.  My OB had told me to wait until I felt them coming every 5 minutes for an hour, so we just waited.

By 5:15 my mom came home and I was in a lot of pain every time I had a contraction.  Every time I tried to go to the washroom I would start a contraction.  By 5:45 I had had 3 consecutive contractions and I had had enough.  I told my mom that I was in enough pain that I thought we should go to the hospital.  So off we went.  By 6:15 I was checked in to pre-admission and introduced to the resident on call that night.  They did an internal exam and asked me "when did your water break?".  I told them I wasn't aware that it had.  "Well, I can feel your baby's hair, so your water is definitely broken".  News to me!  Turns out the tiny gush I felt at one point in the afternoon around 4pm (I thought it was just a bit of incontinence) was my water breaking.  Baby had plugged the outlet so no other gushes were felt after that.

After an hour in pre-admission I was dilated enough for them to admit me into labour and delivery.  They had me hooked up to monitors checking the intensity of my contractions.  It was a scale from 0-100.  My baseline was sitting at about 50 and when I had a contraction, some of them were off the scale above the 100 mark.  It was pretty insane, but really cool to see on the screen.

I had planned on trying to do a natural birth with no drugs, but my contractions were so painful and I started throwing up during them that by 8pm I opted to get an epidural.  The anesthesiologist was so busy that night that he didn't end up showing up until 9:30pm.  Jon held my hands while the doctor tried to place the needle.  He commented on my spine being crooked and he missed the mark the first time he tried.  So he tried in a different spot on my spine instead.  That time it worked and within minutes I was pain free.  It was glorious.  I felt nothing from my breasts down.

Me after my epidural

The relief I felt was soon overcome by sleepiness so I tried to rest while I could.  They gave me oxytocin to speed up the dilation and kept me on IV fluids to keep me hydrated.  It was a bit frustrating not being able to move around and being stuck in bed, but I was able to update the extended family via facebook and email during the whole labour process, so that was pretty cool.

By 3am I was fully dilated, and they discovered that Avery was positioned badly and her head was on an angle in my pelvis and wasn't moving down.  So, they brought in a specialist and turned her.  They had to push her back up into my uterus in order to turn her properly, so that was a very strange feeling.  I was grateful for the epidural then!  They then decided to wait a few hours to let her contract downwards on her own before getting me to push.  They said that by about 6am we would start pushing, so I had a timeline.  I tried to rest some more, but I was getting too excited and scared about what was to come.

I pushed from 6am to 7:08am when Avery was born.  She had the cord wrapped around her neck and if I had taken any longer to get her out she may have been a C section baby, but the doctors were amazing and my L&D nurse was a huge help and encouragement.  I ended up with second degree tearing, since Avery had such broad shoulders that they had to reposition her again on the way out.  They took her away immediately so I didn't even get to see her.  I heard her whimpering so I knew she was alive, but I could only see her legs over at the examining table.  I think at one point I was so upset that I didn't get to see her that they brought her over so I could say hi and see my daughter before they took her away again for further testing.  She was apparently very white, likely from the cord being around her neck, so they just wanted to make sure she was ok.  It was about 15 minutes before I finally got to hold her.

Me holding Avery for the first time

She was beautiful.  I couldn't believe that I had given birth to her.  It all seemed worth it in that moment.  It's been 10 days since then and she has proven to be a wonderful baby.  She barely cries, and is easily comforted.  She loves being held and cuddled, and spends a lot of time sleeping on her daddy's chest while I take naps.  I've healed really well, and within 4 days all my swelling had gone down and I was back out and about.  Even with being sore and tired and healing I have felt better than I have in months.  The elation I feel every time I hold my little girl is indescribable.  She is awesome.

EVICTION NOTICE

My uterus has just put out an eviction notice for baby.  She has about 10 days to get herself vacated from my womb on her own before my OB will do it for her.  I had been having contractions off and on for about 2 weeks now, but still nothing.  Saturday and Sunday were especially difficult and I had LOTS of Braxton Hicks.  So, yesterday, I decided I would take some castor oil in order to help labour happen.  Well, 27 hours and many bathroom trips later, I feel pretty good...but no contractions.  Guess baby isn't ready yet.  I may try again in a few days.  Anything would be better than induction, in my opinion.

On Monday I had my 40 week appointment.  My BP was the lowest it's been thus far at 100/60.  I'm totally relaxed and just ready for her to come already, so that's probably why.  I don't have anxiety, and I'm just bored.  All the baby things I had to do are done.  I even detailed the car last night and installed the car seat.  They offered to strip my membranes on Monday to get labour started, but I said no.  I've heard it can be painful and I hadn't hit my due date yet anyway.  My OB scheduled an ultrasound for Friday morning, just to make sure baby is still doing fine and to make sure we don't have to induce her early.  She's still squirming around in there, so I'm sure she's doing great.

My belly has dropped even more and now looks like I'm a basketball smuggler.  I've been trying to be active and walk around a lot to help my body get ready, but it makes me sleepy.  I've been sleeping about 8-9 hours a night (minus bathroom trips) and 1-2 hours napping during the day.  I had resisted for a long time because I didn't want to throw off my sleep schedule, but many moms have assured me that I should sleep when I feel tired because you never know when labour will start or how long it will be.  One day at a time.  At least I have the assurance that I will meet my baby girl sometime in the next 10 days.  Exciting!

Baby is Comfortable

Just got home from my 39 week appointment.  According to my OB, baby is quite comfortable where she is.  Her heartbeat is between 140-150bpm and she's still head down and facing the right way.  She's still squirmy and I get her bum or her knee poking out on a regular basis.  I occasionally get elbows to my hips too, but not very often.

Everything on my end is good too.  My fundus height is still growing and I'm sitting at 40cm this week.  I finally hit my 20lb mark of weight gain, but everything else is still really good.  My bp this morning was 112/68, so that was fantastic.  The doctor actually said "I'm sure we'll see you at your appointment next week", so she even thinks I'll at least reach my due date (the 15th) or go overdue.

I've finally got the nursery all finished, and I think it looks really good.  I've already been spending time hanging out in there and getting used to the setup.  I made a make-shift bed on the floor in there, since I'm not sure baby will be able to sleep in our room with Jon's snoring (lol) so I will want to be close to her for nursing purposes.

I'm finally starting to get bored with my time off.  I've made a bunch of freezer meals, and cleaned everything, organized everything, and done all the laundry, so there's really not much for me to do during the day.  And I don't like going out because I don't want to go into labour without Jon nearby.  Also, if I go out alone and go into labour, I can't drive myself so I'd be stranded.  It's tricky.

The waiting game is on.  We'll see how it goes!

2 Weeks left! (Hopefully!)

Only two more weeks until my due date!  I am anxiously awaiting this little girl.  Jon and I have been discussing names, but we won't decide on anything until after we meet her in the hospital.

She started dropping into my pelvis around the 19th of December, and it has been an immense relief.  I can breathe better, her feet are out of my ribs so the intercostal muscles are finally healing, and I can eat more.  I definitely feel more pressure in my pelvis and sometimes pain in my pubic bone, but it's mostly not that bad.  However, it has made me start waddling like the uber-pregnant lady I am.  It's hard to walk when you have a baby's head sitting between your legs, let me tell you.

I've had a much harder time sleeping lately, and I'm up every 2 hours in the night to pee.  I've also finally started swelling like crazy.  Just before Christmas it started.  My fingers are like sausages and my ankles are swollen and my legs discoloured and splotchy.  I keep drinking lots of water and it seems to help a bit, but I'm still swollen.  Thankfully there is still no protein in my urine and my blood pressure is still excellent, so no risk for pre-eclampsia.

I'm back to wanting naps during the day, but I try not to give in most of the time, because then I have a harder time sleeping at night.  I should take the naps when I can in the coming weeks though, so I'm properly rested for labour.  I've been stocking up on freezer meals for after baby comes so I don't have to worry about cooking, so that's what's been keeping me busy lately.

I'm also having doctor appointments once a week now, so that keeps me motivated.  I tested positive for group B strep, so I'll need to have an IV during labour.  Other than that, everything is good.  My BP was 122/74 on Monday and everything looks good.  Baby is in the proper position and seems to be happy.  Very strong heart beat.  She's been in the same position now for about a week.  Her bum is on my left side with her feet in the middle of my ribcage and her knees on my right side, so she's on an angle with her head down.  I constantly feel her knee moving back and forth on the one side.  She also keeps pushing her bum outwards and making Braxton-Hicks happen.

I'm pretty tired, lethargic, and not very motivated to do much these days, since being on my feet for more than 10 minutes makes me have contractions, but I'm getting things together and I feel confident that everything will go just fine.  Baby will be here soon!!

Maternity Leave

I am officially done work for the foreseeable future.  I decided in my second trimester that I was going to take a few weeks before my due date off to prep for Christmas and to take it easy.  We all know the holidays can be a stressful time and I didn't want to wear myself out, in case I went into labour early or something.  It's my first official day of maternity leave today.  It feels weird not going to work.  I'm still trying to figure out what all I need to send in for EI mat leave (ROEs and such) but I'll figure that out this week.  My application is in, so I just need to contact them and find out what else I need to do.

Baby is moving really well.  She still enjoys flipping sides, but does it fewer times throughout the day.  She's gotten in the habit of sticking her feet under my ribs on the righthand side, which has less room than the left since my liver is also on that side, so it gets quite painful at times.  Almost every evening I have to use a hot water bottle and sooth the area.  It's the same side that I sprained my intercostal muscles, so her jabbing her feet around in there is preventing it from healing properly.  On the plus side, I'm finally well again!  No more coughing, and just a bit of breathlessness in the early mornings.  I am no longer on the steroid inhaler, and I only take the ventolin when I really need to, which is usually about once every other day.  I'm very relieved.

We had another prenatal appointment this morning and everything was just fine.  My BP was 134/78 (which seems high for me, personally, but they seemed very happy with it).  I guess it's gonna be higher with all that extra blood flowing through my system anyway.  I also haven't gained any more weight so I'm still at about 15lbs gained total. My next appointment is Dec 23rd, so we'll see how we're doing by then!  I feel like a beached whale, but I've avoided the pregnant waddle thus far.  Baby hasn't dropped yet either, so I can still move around fairly well.  I am just at the point that Jon has to start putting my socks on for me in the morning.  Haha!

I did start having Braxton-Hicks contractions this past week though.  I'm sure I've been having them for a while and just started noticing them now that baby is bigger.  For me, it happens if I walk too much.  It feels like my stomach gets harder/tenser and I feel more weight down in my hips/pelvic area.  According to the resident I spoke to today it's the very mild form of the contractions and they'll get stronger as my due date gets closer.

We inherited a pack and play from my employers and I have to say, it is fantastic!  Jon and I set it up last night just to see what it was like, and it is super cool.  You can totally use it as a crib/bassinet when your baby is small and it even comes with its own changing table attachment.  Super cool.  I love it.  I've also got the hospital bags packed and ready to go, and I'm going to clean the car this week and install the infant car seat so we don't have to worry about that either.  Feeling prepared.  Excited to meet this little girl!  Don't keep me waiting too long!

Weird Dreams

Lately I've been having super weird baby dreams.  Last night, I dreamed that I went into labour a month early and I had the baby super fast, but that it barely even hurt.  Turned out to be a boy, and he only weighed 6lbs.  He was tiny and had long spindly little fingers, and he didn't even cry.  At all.  It was super weird.  Needless to say, I'm a little perturbed by it.

In reality, this little girl keeps moving A LOT!  It's much less kicking (she has no room for that) and much more rolling around.  Her favourite thing to do is to flip which side of my stomach she's on.  She's head down and facing my back, but she'll flip flop from having her back on the left or the right.  And I can FEEL it through my skin and tell what side she's on.  Sometimes she even puts her back squarely in the middle, props her feet against my spine and pushes out like she's trying to escape.  When she does that, it REALLY hurts.  I have to poke and prod at her for a good 10 minutes before she moves out of that position.

This morning her back is on my right side and her bum is right up in the middle of my ribs.  She moved into this position shortly after I woke up.  She woke me up because she was uncomfortable with what side I was laying on and wanted me to move.  Cheeky little girl.

I'm still sick.  It's been two months that I've been sick now.  I was coughing so hard that I subluxated a couple ribs in my back.  I had to go to the chiropractor and get them put back in.  And he told me I also sprained my intercostal muscles and that it takes 3-6 weeks for them to completely heal.  It's been a week and a half and it's already infinitely better, but the muscles still hurt if I cough or if I eat too much.  Quite frustrating.  I also had to get a steroid inhaler to keep the coughing under control, and I haven't been able to wean from it yet.  It's been two weeks but every time I try to stop taking it, I cough more throughout the day.  So, I'm taking it slowly.  The only side-effect for baby is that she may have a smaller birth weight, which I'm surprisingly ok with haha.

Other than that, I'm still sleeping fairly well, and only have minimal acid reflux in the evenings.  Not too much rib pain, and I'm still gaining weight very slowly, so no varicose veins yet (hopefully ever!).  I haven't been able to escape stretch marks or brown spots on my face, but they're very minimal.  I still feel very healthy and I don't get too tired during the day.  My body gets physically tired before I get sleepy tired, so that's good I guess.  I'm looking forward to being off work so that I can get my house in order and finish my Christmas gifts as slowly as I need to.  Bring on the season!