Eli's Birth Story

To preface this, it's going to be a long story.  Kudos if you make it to the end.  Also, though it seems traumatic and scary, I can honestly say I felt peace and reassurance throughout the active labour experience and complications that followed thanks to our revelation in the temple back in May and the various priesthood blessings I've had over the last few weeks.  

In my last post I thought I was leaking amniotic fluid, but that was just the start.  I had a membrane sweep on the morning of Wednesday June 24th.  It was painful and I was only 1.5cm dilated, baby at -3 station (so not engaged at all).  Thursday at around 5am I started having contractions.  I knew this was a common side effect of the sweep so I just decided to wait it out and not get too excited. They were quite painful but irregular so we just went with it.  When I went to put Avery to sleep that night they almost stopped completely, so I went to bed.  They started again Friday morning and kept going.  By 5pm I was in a lot of pain (we had walked a lot that day to try and speed things along) so we decided to go get checked at the hospital just in case.  They said I was 4cm, baby at -2 station but the cervix was really thin, so once active labour started that it would go quickly.  They sent me home.

2 more days of contractions later and I started vomiting and visiting the washroom very frequently.  The contractions kept going even when I would lie down, so I thought they were real again.  Once again, sent home.  Still at 4cm, zero progress since Friday.  At this point I wanted to curl up in a ball and stay there.  I felt like my body was failing me and I was ready to give up.  My OB scheduled an induction for Saturday the 4th, but assured me I would have the baby before then.  I didn't believe her and resigned myself to another 5 days of misery.

Avery cuddling with the belly

Canada Day.  I felt awful, and was having pain (not new) but it just felt like I was constipated.  I kept having cramps that didn't tighten my belly so I assumed that's what it was.  They were bad enough to wake me up all night so in the morning at around 9, I put Avery down for a nap and sent Jon for some prune juice (lol).  2 minutes after Avery fell asleep I decided to try and visit the bathroom again.  I only peed a little and when I reached for the toilet paper this giant forceful gush "fell" out of me.  It was like a faucet was turned on full blast for 2-3 seconds.  I checked the toilet bowl and it was clear.  I wasn't ready to believe that it was my water, but I texted Jon and called my mom just in case. I hopped in the shower and contractions started when the hot water hit me.  They were bad, but not much moreso than the ones I'd had all week.  I was negative for GBS so we didn't have to go to the hospital right away.  

Around 11:30am I was in enough pain that I was tentatively convinced it was the real thing so we headed off to the hospital.  They checked me at triage and said my water was broken and I almost cried out of relief.  I wasn't going to be sent home.  I was 6cm, in active labour and baby still at -2 station.  They said there still was a bulge of water so they thought my hind waters were broken but fore waters still in tact.  

Originally I had planned to try a natural unmedicated birth this time around, but my body was so wrecked from having been in labour for a week that I was already exhausted and in a lot of pain.  I knew that because I was 6cm and baby still wasn't engaged that the likelihood of having my labour "augmented" with pitocin was fairly high.  So I opted to get the epidural about an hour after we were checked in.  Thankfully the anesthesiologist was much better this time, didn't miss my spine on the first attempt and finished putting it in within three contractions (last time it took at least twice that long).  He also kept the dose fairly low, which I was very happy about.  Last time I couldn't even move my legs, but this time I could lift my legs off the bed and flip onto my side all by myself.  It was wonderful.  And I still felt no pain, just some pressure with the larger contractions.  

The OB on call then came in to chat with me and introduce herself.  She seemed very nice and it felt good to let her know about the possibility of dystocia happening.  She was very confident and happy.  I felt good about the whole thing.  She told me she was working until 8pm so she would likely be the one to deliver my baby.  At 2:30pm they broke the rest of my waters and there was meconium in them.  I knew that wasn't a good sign, so we then had to watch for signs of fetal distress and immediately start the pitocin to speed things up, as I'd only progressed 1cm in 2 hours and baby was still at -2.  They also told me that a NICU team would be in the room when he was born just in case he wasn't breathing or had aspirated any of the meconium.  By 4pm I was at 8cm.  6pm fully dilated but baby was still high.  They checked his head position and it was off center so that's why he wasn't coming down.  They had me go on my hands and knees over the back of the bed for half an hour to try and shift him naturally before trying to turn him manually, as his heartrate dipped when they tried to move his head.  

At this point my heart rate and baby's heart rate were so close together that they had to put a probe on his head to read his heart rate rather than use the dopplar.  6:45pm I was checked again and baby was at -1 station, so minor progress.  At 7:15pm his heart rate started dipping really low (into the 80s) during contractions and I started having some gushes of fluid.  The doctor decided to turn his head manually as a last resort.  She tried to turn his head but he kept turning back, so she turned his head and had me push hard through two contractions to get his head to stay down and engaged.  It worked.  He was finally engaged, but his heart rate was still dipping badly.  She told me that we would let him calm down a bit from the procedure and then try to push.  She also said that we were racing the clock and that once I started pushing we needed to get him out quickly and that the chance of emergency C section was still on the table.  That was all the motivation I needed.

My crying for joy while doing skin-to-skin

Around 7:55pm I started feeling like I needed to push.  I told the nurse and she said she would call the doctor and then we could go for it.  I started pushing at 8pm and by the end of the second contraction I could feel baby's head with my hand.  It was so surreal!  My nurse pushed the emergency button to get doctor there immediately.  She barely got there and got her gloves on in time to catch him coming out at 8:04.  They were in the middle of the shift change so I got both OBs to help.  The umbilical cord was around his neck so they said that was the reason he couldn't descend on his own.  The dips in heartrate were because the cord was being compressed during contractions.

I couldn't believe how quickly I pushed him out and I cried for joy when I heard him cry and felt him land on the table.  I felt so exultant.  We did it, we did it fast, and he didn't get stuck!  The second OB stitched me up and told me I had a second degree tear but it looked good.  Eli was getting checked over by the NICU team and within minutes they asked if I wanted skin to skin with him.  I of course said yes as I didn't get that chance with Avery.  I felt so blessed.  He was fine.  I was astonished when they told me that he weight 9lbs 13oz and that his head was 38cm!  I thought Avery's was big at 36.5! 

After that, we had some complications.  We thought I may have dislocated my pubic bone and I was sent for xray.  It wasn't dislocated but I had some SPD which was understandable given the situation.  They put me on dilaudid for the pain and I could still barely walk the 4 feet from my bed to the bathroom.  Eli kept choking on mucous that didn't have time to be squeezed from his lungs during his quick delivery so they made us stay another night to keep an eye on him and his stats.  I noticed that when I went to burp him after nursing that if I rubbed his back he would flinch away from my hand and cry so I thought maybe he had a pulled muscle or something and mentioned it to the pediatrician the next day.  He did some basic tests and you could plainly see that he wasn't using his left arm and wouldn't lift it to his face, so they ordered an xray.  They found a small break in his collar bone and told us we had to modify how we did everything with him until it was healed.  I was a bit shocked that an entire NICU team had looked him over, the pediatrician had already looked him over once, and multiple nurses had been with him and checking him and yet I was the one to notice something was wrong.  Thankfully we found it while still at the hospital and not weeks later at home.  This way he can heal properly and not be in so much pain.

It was an eventful few days but we were finally discharged and sent home.  I can walk without assistance now, but not without pain yet.  I declined taking a prescription for more narcotics as I was feeling a lot better, so I'm in pain but managing.  I don't know how I would have done it without Jon being home full time and without my family here to take Avery for the 3 days we were gone.  We have several follow ups this week with physio for me and my pelvis, orthopedics for Eli, and our family doctor, so it's going to be a bit busy.  We're just glad to be home and that he's finally here!  

 

Avery holding Eli for the first time

Daddy doing skin-to-skin

Our bandaged little guy playing video games with Daddy

Eli's going home outfit

Hello world!

False Alarm

Well, I've been having cramping off and on for the past week.  Friday morning I went for a prenatal massage and she did some pressure points which totally messed with my body.  I had severe back pain for 15 hours, to the point that I couldn't sleep and got no relief even when in a hot bath.  I called the hospital and they said it just sounded like baby was moving down and not like labour.  So I didn't go in.

Yesterday we went for a walk and when we got back home I had leaked through my clothes and had to change my pants.  So dignified.  It kept happening today as well (I had incontinence with Avery at this point as well but this felt different) so I decided we should go to the hospital and double check that it wasn't amniotic fluid.

We got there tonight around 8:30 and they did some quick tests to see if baby was doing ok (he was), and if I was having contractions (I wasn't).  Then they checked to see if I was indeed leaking amniotic fluid and they said they thought it was a positive result but that they would run some slides and double check.  Well, turned out to be negative, unfortunately so no induction for us tonight.  She said I'm 1cm dilated, 30% effaced and cervix is soft, all good things.  I have a sweep on Wednesday so maybe that will speed things along.

38 weeks and counting!

Birth Without Fear

This past Saturday I started having some menstrual-type cramping, not off and on but constant, which can be a sign of pre-term labour.  I thought it could be dehydration causing painful Braxton-Hicks, but after 1.5L of water and lying down for an hour, nothing improved.  Thankfully it went away overnight but then it came back last night again for an hour.  I realized just how scared I was about this birth and I hated that feeling.  Then, an article popped up in my newsfeed on Facebook from someone I didn't even know.  This article addressed most of my fears and really helped me put things in perspective.  It was definitely a tender mercy.

I follow the "Birth Without Fear" facebook page which constantly has uplifting and inspiring stories of various women's birthing situations and struggles.  It's really helped me believe in myself.   After last night I decided that I need to have a constant reminder to not be afraid, and to trust that my body is capable of amazing things.  I really wanted to get this necklace, but it wasn't in our budget right now.

So I decided to check out Michael's to see if I could make my own for a decent price.  $17 later, this is what I was able to make.

It may seem silly to some that I'd need a physical reminder to not have fear, but for someone who doesn't wear jewelry often, having this around my neck reminds me every time I move and feel it against my skin.  I'm feeling more confident, I'm feeling better prepared, and I'm hoping that all goes well and that I can attempt a natural birth this time around, baby permitting.  #birthwithoutfear

Whopper

Well, we had our ultrasound today.  Baby is an estimated 6lb 3oz already.  According to my OB he is bigger than average but not in the "danger zone" for weight just yet.  She doesn't seem concerned and said she will start checking my cervix at 37 weeks and start sweeps at 38 weeks to try and naturally induce but that she wouldn't try chemically inducing until 40 weeks.

Part of me feels I should be reassured that she is willing to let things go that far but the other part of me feels like she's taking a risk with my baby's well-being.  I am honestly at a loss as to what to do.  The only thing I can think of is if I am going to go along with her "plan"  I should do everything I can to ensure that things go as well as possible.  That would include doing exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, start drinking raspberry leaf tea, and be more physically active and watch what I eat so baby doesn't gain a lot more weight (incidentally I've only gained 14.5lbs and I lost weight since my last appointment).  Other than that I don't know what I can do.


Good things from today were that baby is doing excellent.  He is healthy and the cord is functioning beautifully.  We actually got to hear the "pulse" on the ultrasound which was super cool.  He is also head down, in anterior position (facing my spine) and exactly in the middle of my stomach, so that explains why I appear rounder and larger this time around (other than the fact that he's big).

I'm trying to convince myself that because he is positioned well (Avery was always off to one side and never in the middle) and feels like he's dropped already that labour may come on its own before we even get to the sweeps, but it's really hard to say.  I feel confident that I can try for a successful natural labour this time and hope that my water won't break early like it did with Avery (at 3.4-4cm).  Send me all the positive vibes please!!

Shoulder Dystocia

Little did I know, but about 10 minutes before this was taken, the doctor almost sent Avery to the NICU.  

When Avery was born, all I was told afterwards was that her shoulders got stuck and they had to tear me to get her out.  Seemed pretty straightforward and I didn't know that it was actually a bigger deal than they made it out to be.  She had something called "shoulder dystocia".  Even reading the description of it is scary,

"Shoulder dystocia is a birth injury that can have terrible consequences for a child’s life. It occurs in birth when, following delivery of the baby’s head, the baby’s shoulders are unable to pass through the birth canal. The partial compression in the birth canal can cause lasting damage to a child’s nervous system, and is a major cause of Erg’s palsy, cerebral palsy, as well as large number of brain, heart, and lung defects."

Needless to say, when the doctor filling in for my OB at my last appointment 2 weeks ago started asking me questions about Avery's birth and how recovery went for both of us, I got a bit concerned.  Then she said the likelihood of dystocia happening with subsequent births was higher, I got very freaked out.  Then I went home and read about what dystocia actually is and almost had a panic attack.  Not good.

I decided to wait until my next appointment (this morning) to ask for more details before allowing myself to really be scared about this birth.  Turns out, Avery was stuck for less than a minute (anything more than 5 minutes can cause fetal death), and it wasn't very complicated.  She wasn't breathing when she was born (she had the cord around her neck and her heartrate had already been dropping so the cord was likely compressed while I was pushing) and so I didn't get to see her right away.  There was no cry, and her entire body was as white as her hand was in that picture above.  If she had taken about a minute longer to breathe she would have been sent right to the NICU without me having seen her at all.

There are a number of risk factors that can cause dystocia to happen, a lot of which were present for Avery's birth (she was transverse, I had an epidural, needed pitocin to speed up labour, long second stage of labour, she was over 8lbs) but the biggest ones are the size of the mother's pelvis and the size of the baby.  This time around, since we're having a boy, he's likely to be bigger than Avery was so I'm still worried that this will happen again.

We booked an ultrasound for 2 weeks from now to get a sense of how big baby is and whether we will need to induce early in order to try and prevent the dystocia from happening again.  She reassured me that the likelihood of c-section is still fairly low and that because I had a successful vaginal birth it should go easier this time around.  She also said that the fact they are aware of previous dystocia will help them prepare for it this time and that they are very experienced with dealing with it at this hospital so they know what to do.

I'm worried and I hate the fact that I feel that I may have to induce before I want to but if it means the difference between having a healthy baby and one with brain or nerve damage, I'll opt for the former.  If baby is measuring more than 4lbs at 34 weeks at our ultrasound, then we will likely have to induce at 37-38 weeks.

I'm pretty scared, but I know we will make the right decision when the time comes.  Just needing a bit of support.

A LONG year

It has been a year since I last wrote.  And what a year!  Anyone who is friends with us on Facebook knows the struggles we have gone through since I last wrote.  I read my last post and laugh at how I thought I had everything under control.

About 2 weeks after I wrote that last post, Avery started waking up a lot more frequently at night.  We assumed it was teething and sure enough two teeth popped through her bottom gums a week before she turned 4 months old.  But her sleeping didn't go back to normal, it got worse.  Eventually she was waking up every 45 minutes ALL.  NIGHT.  LONG.  Which I could deal with if she didn't scream in obvious pain for 30-45minutes every time she woke up.  I was so sleep deprived that I didn't know what to do.  Looking back, I don't know how we managed. We took her back in our room to co-sleep in order to just get by.  We tried everything and nothing worked.  NOTHING.

During this time, her diapers were getting more and more messy.  They got more watery and then she started bleeding every time she pooped.  After a day of that I took her to a walk-in which referred us to CHEO, who said that she had a fissure and that it should heal itself within a week or so.  If it didn't, it was likely a food allergy.  Well, 3 weeks later and she was still bleeding and in pain.  I decided that she was almost 6 months old and if it was a food allergy I needed to do a drastic elimination diet immediately to see if we could figure it out before introducing solids.  So I cut dairy, egg, milk, nuts, soy, and gluten from my diet.  I lost almost 10lbs in the 3 weeks I did.  It's a hard diet!  Tasty, but expensive and hard to be creative with when you're first starting.

After 10 days on the elimination diet, she went from waking every 45 minutes to sleeping a 5 hour stretch!  She hadn't done that in almost 3 months at that point.  Also the bleeding stopped about 5 days into the diet.  I was amazed.  No one told me that food allergies could manifest like that and that babies could react to your breast milk from it.  I decided that since it appeared that the culprit was out of my system that I would try re-introducing foods.  I started with eggs (which I thought was the least likely to be a problem).  I ate two scrambled eggs for breakfast and then nothing else with eggs in it.  Within a day she was screaming in pain again and had a HUGE diaper rash when she pooped, so we knew that eggs were A culprit, if not THE culprit.  Later I found out from my in-laws that all of their children had egg allergies when they were young.  Go figure.  Wish we had known that sooner.

We gradually added everything else back in my diet while staying away from eggs and thankfully nothing else bothered her.  We also got her allergy tested and she is allergic to both egg whites and yolks, quite badly!  They were surprised that she had no external symptoms like eczema or a rash but that it was all internal and gastro-intestinal.  But we had our answer and she began sleeping 1.5 hour stretches regularly and going right back to sleep most of the time.  It was heaven in comparison.

But she still seemed in pain sometimes when she woke up.  She was also still spitting up despite being on solids and having nursed hours earlier, so we went to the doctor and he prescribed Ranitidine for her.  Then she started sleeping 3-4 hour stretches and stopped spitting up and being in pain.  It was amazing.  We were so relieved.  So at the 7 month mark we had finally found the physical issues that were causing her pain and distress.  We moved her back in her own room and felt like things would get better.

Well, they didn't.  We assumed that the habits she picked up while dealing with the pain kept her wanting to nurse constantly at night and not wanting to sleep on her own.  I got pregnant when she was 8 months old (planned) and by the time she was 10 months old I was so exhausted that I could barely make it through the day, even with a 3 hour nap in the afternoon.  So we decided to bite the bullet and try sleep training.  We did the "Sleep-easy solution".  It's a cry-it-out method, which we didn't want to do but felt we had no other choice as nothing had worked.  The first 3 nights and days were horrible.  I will never do it again.  But it worked in that it taught her how to fall asleep on her own.  For that, I'm glad at least.  It also helped us night-wean her in 3 days.  She started sleeping 5 hour stretches followed by 3 or 4 hour stretches and doing naps wonderfully.

BUT my milk supply dwindled because of pregnancy and she was hungry at night and started waking again more frequently.  We started introducing cow's milk mixed with the milk I had managed to pump and store in the freezer after the egg was out of my system, and that worked a bit.  By 11.5 months she was totally off the breast and only drinking straight cow's milk from the bottle.  We managed to wean her from the reflux meds around 13 months as well.

FAST FORWARD to last week.  We tried everything we could to make her happy sleeping in her own room and it just wasn't cutting it.  We tried sleeping on a mattress on the floor, we tried staying with her until she fell asleep, and more.  Nothing worked, AGAIN!  Among my various internet searches I came across one article talking about a "high-needs baby".  I felt that we FINALLY had our answer.  This fit Avery to a T.  It seems that she just needs us.  She just needs to be with us and not on her own in her own room.  So we prayed about it and got the answer confirmed that she needed to come back in our room and sleep with us again.  We brought in her crib, turned it into a toddler bed and attached it side-care style to Jon's side of the bed.  It's only been 5 nights and she's already sleeping a lot better and wakes up more happy and rested, and so do we!  She is still awake about 3 times a night but it's getting better with every passing day.  We finally feel like we are giving her the support she needs rather than trying to follow the "recommended course" and force her to sleep on her own and make everyone miserable in the process.

It's not something I ever wanted to do.  I never wanted to be a co-sleeper/bed-sharing parent.  I never wanted my baby in my room indefinitely.  I wanted privacy and I wanted space.  But that's not what Avery needs and I find that we are all happier meeting HER needs rather than mine.  It's a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of things.  I know she will grow up and move to her own room eventually, but for now, this is what works for us.

A Word on Sleep Training

Anyone who knows me well knows that I like to research.  Well, when it came to babies I researched a LOT.  I was very keen on getting as much sleep as I could at night with the baby, because naps make me feel groggy and I have worse night sleep when I nap during the day.  I researched and I read everything I could get my hands on.  Most information conflicted and I was confused about what I should do.  However the prevailing "idea" was to do what works best for you and your baby.  

Avery and I started out with room sharing. I slept on a mattress on the floor in her room so Daddy could get good sleep until she got her days and nights worked out.  I discovered that the only way that I could sleep while she slept (as everyone always tells you to do) was if she was either on my chest or cuddled up next to me.  So I dozed in the rocking chair with her on my chest, and when I couldn't stay upright any more, we moved to the mattress on the floor and cuddled with each other.  

I was PARANOID about S.I.D.S. so I didn't sleep very well those early weeks.  From further research, I've discovered that it's actually very safe to bed-share as long as you live in a non-smoking home and you and your partner don't partake of alcohol or drugs (illegal or prescription) that would interfere with natural sleep cycles.  The skin-to-skin contact with your baby helps regulate their temperature (overheating being a S.I.D.S. risk factor), and they can hear and feel your heartbeat and breathing.  If they wake up or start to move in their sleep, you can respond to them right away and they don't have to wake up fully to nurse, and neither do you!  

After about a month, I decided to move back into our bedroom with her room-sharing with me.  I put her in on her back in the crib beside the bed so that she was close, but not in the bed with both of us.  She started out not doing well.  She would fuss and every time I put her back in there after nursing in the night, she would wake up and cry until she was back in my arms.  I decided to try swaddling, and that worked well.  She slept her first 12 hour night (with food breaks every 2-3 hours) at 5.5 weeks.  But after about a week of swaddling, she was back to crying whenever I put her down.  This kid loves her freedom!  

I got super frustrated because when she slept on her back, she would startle herself awake during her active sleep cycles and then wouldn't go back to sleep and would cry.  It got so frustrating!  So I started putting her to sleep on her tummy.  It was another S.I.D.S. risk factor (something about re-breathing exhaled air and not getting enough oxygen) so I was worried, but I didn't know what else to do.  I made sure either Jon or I was awake while she slept like that so that we could check on her, make sure she was breathing and happy, and it worked quite well.  I think it was around that point when I decided to co-sleep for real.  When we were awake and she was asleep, she would sleep on her tummy in the crib at the foot of the bed (I moved it a little further away when she started sleeping at night) and then when I was ready to sleep (or when Jon, our night owl was ready to sleep) she would come in the bed with us.  This worked well for a long time.  

I'm an advocate of babies sleeping on their own, however.  I love the closeness we have when we co-sleep, but I want Avery to be able to sleep on her own, in her own room and feel secure and safe just like when she's sleeping with me.  So from the beginning I tried to have her sleep at least one nap a day in her big crib in her own room.  And now at 3 months, she's sleeping at night in her own room as well.  I made sure her room is sleep-friendly (i.e. blackout curtains, nightlight, and white noise machine) so whenever I go in there with her and turn the lights off and the white noise machine on, she knows it's time to sleep.  I put her down while she's sleepy but awake and let her fall asleep on her own.  I let her sleep with a soother (which is actually helpful in the fight against S.I.D.S.) so she can suck to soothe herself.  

It was a long road, but we finally figured out what's best for all of us.  I respond to her cries immediately, so when she sleeps alone, she knows I'll come when she cries.  And she still sleeps at least one stretch of the night in bed with us.  So she feels secure, I feel secure, and we get some good sleep with dozy nursing and cuddles.  I think it's funny that I agree so strongly with both sleep-training camps, and have found a nice balance for us.  My baby is a huge cuddler, but we've managed to give her independence by giving her security and love when she wants/needs it.  Overall, it has been a big success!  I hope our other kids acclimate this quickly!